A Wedding does not a Marriage make!

In the first year of my marriage, when my husband and I were getting to know each other as husband and wife, I remember waking up one morning, looking over at him and saying to myself, "Oh, my God, what have I done".  I remember that in that moment he didn't even resemble the person I had dated and fell in love with.  We hadn't had an argument or anything, it was just a morning like every other morning, but somehow everything felt wrong, like I had made a terrible mistake.  I have since learned that this is common among newlyweds.  All of sudden you look at the life you're living and the person you've agreed to join yourself with forever and everything seems foreign.  Nothing feels right.  When this happens (and it will happen), don't panic. This is a normal occurrence and it will pass.  Hopefully it passes before you do something that you will regret.

I tell this story because often times couples don't prepare for the marriage as much as they prepare for the wedding.  That is a mistake.  There are many parties and events that lead up to a wedding: the engagement party, the bridal shower, the bachelor/bachelorette parties, the rehearsal dinner, etc.  During these events your friends and family gather around to celebrate the happy couple.  Then there is the wedding, the BIG EVENT.  Family that you haven't seen in years or maybe that you don't even know arrive with gifts in hand to celebrate your nuptials.  After the wedding, you and your spouse go on a romantic honeymoon possibly to an exotic destination.  All is blissful.  When you come home you might have a small party with close family and friends to show off your tan and your honeymoon pictures and open your wedding gifts.  Then it's over, no more parties, it's just you and your spouse.  Now it's time to learn how to be married.  No one can tell you exactly what this is like because everyone is different.  I can tell you that for me it was a strange feeling.  I felt very adult all of a sudden and I felt a sense of responsibility that I hadn't known before.

There was a newness that was exciting but there was an awkwardness that we hadn't expected.  We had to learn each other's habits that we hadn't discovered during the dating process and we had to find a certain rhythm to living together.  I can't stress enough that this is a process.  It usually doesn't happen immediately. There were times that we experienced that awkward silence that everyone hates.  All of this is normal.  If you experience these things, don't think you've made a mistake.  These are things that seasoned couples don't always share with engaged couples.  Sometimes it's because they've been forgotten and sometimes there simply are more critical things to share.  I always share this information because when it happened to me, I panicked.  I questioned my decision to marry and I thought that maybe I really didn't love my husband.

Needless to say, I overreacted.  It was a momentary event.  I'm sure that it was probably the next day that my husband and I layed down to go to sleep and I snuggled up next to him and thought, "this is the best place in the world."  I will admit that even now, after all these years, when we snuggle up to go to sleep, I still tell him that "this is the best place in the world" and I still mean it.